Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Lament of the 2nd Run-Through

I completely forgot that on the second play-through after you beat Super Mario Bros. all of the Goombas are gone! Vanished from the maze of pixels in the Mushroom Kingdom! Dastardly Buzzy Beetles are in their stead, marching endlessly in their gloss black fireproof shells to the beat of some unknown drummer. It is a serious crime that hundreds of Goombas, without notice, go missing every day the Princess is saved. You can do something about it to help.

After plowing through the 8 levels (what? no warp pipes?) you will finally reach the silver bricked halls of Bowser's Castle. A harrowing labyrinth of pipes and lava are at every turn. The Koopa King himself will be spitting fire and throwing a shit-ton of hammers. When and if you do save the ?thankful? Princess, upon her blunt prompt to press the B button, hit Reset instead. You'll be saving all those Goombas lives and they will be thankful to continue getting screen time... temporarily. Trust me. They care.

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